What You Thought Was Real

I so believed that I was going to marry him. Now that i know, that is no longer in the running. There is this part where I feel like I can be myself again and fully embrace me. That part has been great! But.... It's been four months now and I was hoping by then all my feelings for him would be gone. That when i would see him or even talk to him I would feel nothing. To my surprise, it has been the opposite. That doesn't change anything though. I need to learn to get over him. Remove everything that is his that I still have in my life. No more small talk with him. I have to move on with my life. I have to forget about him. If I don't its just gonna get worse. That pain I feel in my heart...I can't take it anymore.

It's an unthinkable feeling. knowing that, that person will never be in your life again. Ever. You shared your heart with that person. Created memories together. You loved him. Maybe you still do? It painfully haunts me every day.

But I have to believe that being apart is better than being together. I don't really miss the relationship, i just miss him in my life. Well...maybe I miss some of it. But it's not good for us to be together. It's better for us to be apart. I'm not the girl for him. He can't handle me. I'm unpredictable, a dreamer, a traveler, an adventurer.... i wanna see the world. He's a southern boy that is completely content staying in SC for the rest of his life. He will always be a redneck with class. I loved that about him. But his closed mind of my world, I did not love.

I love culture's, languages, history, foreign food/stores. I love hiking, the mountains, camping, the beach, talking to strangers all day. laying around and doing nothing.

We are not compatible for each other. period. Regardless of what i feel for him, I need to move on, and forget about him.You can do this Hannah.

(This is just for my viewing and no one else)


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